On a recent phone call when I told my 20-year-old son that I missed him, he said “I miss you too.” Given that at 18 his mantra was ‘I can’t wait to move out,’ it honestly caught me by surprise and it warmed my heart. My “You do?” reply was met with “Yeah. I don’t really miss living with you…but I miss you.” I’ll take it! I might even agree with him; squeezing two adult-sized boys, their bickering, a drum kit, guitars and amps, dirty socks and all their other stuff into our 2-bedroom apartment isn’t easy. But it’s home, and I’m glad to have them back in the nest for the holidays and to reminisce…
When I was growing up, we had a tall antique chair in our front hallway and we hung mini-stockings there on Christmas. We didn’t have a chimney so Santa had to come in through the front door. But we’re Jewish, so we knew Santa wasn’t really coming anyway. It was still a fun tradition. My mom would put something little in there for us…sometimes we’d even leave cookies for her. On Chanukah we would choose something to open each night – my mom would wrap 8 gifts (anything from an annual calendar to something we’d requested that year) and she put them under the buffet table for use to choose one after lighting candles each night. Another tradition.
I often wonder if I’ve instilled the same feelings and special traditions for my kids, so I love it when they say “like we do every year.” But it’s fun to change it up sometimes too – like trying another Chinese restaurant on Christmas and going with different friends. As they get older, traditions change – and many are discontinued. The kids grow up and make their own plans. It’s bittersweet.
This year was our first with both kids away at college – the first year with an ‘empty nest.’ But they came home for Thanksgiving and again for winter break…then there’s spring break and summer time…so the nest isn’t empty for long. It’s an adjustment – and traditions are helpful, even if they’re not quite the same…